Drifting

I will drift no more!

Resolved: Work on a positive attitude Lose the who knows how many pounds put on during the holiday festivities Read more Work Visualize France Ta da! Bring it 2012! ;-)

If I had to title this post

it would be the same title I used in March.  It still applies.  This year was awful.  Not serious illness, injury, death or disaster serious (although my life was of course touched by each of these), but my suffering knows very few bounds.

What were the not-awful things of this year?  a Bar Mitzvah, a Dude Ranch Birthday Bash, Passing the Georgia Bar, Winning Tennis Matches, the End of My HOA term (3 years of hell!), November Visits from Friends, an Engagement, a Swearing-In Ceremony, a White Christmas.

I'm not even going to get into the awful.  It can be summarized as I am still doing things that I wish I weren't obligated to do.  I want more free time.

So, ironically, in 2011, I will work on that by trying to find a job.

A life off track

My life is off track.  I am stuck doing too many things I  don't enjoy - and I don't even have a job in the paid workforce! :-p 

I have had no time to update our blogs, no time to scrapbook my children's lives, no time to read.  I am too burned out doing things that I don't enjoy - like volunteering to serve on the Sweetapple Elementary School PTA nominating committee (which has taken up MUCH more time than I ever could have imagined), serving on the HOA (at least this is my last year!) to spend time on the things I enjoy, if I do have some time to spare.  Time, but no energy.  Energy focused on other things for other people.  Where is the time for things for myself.

Yes, I know, that sounds luxurious.  But I feel that I need to capitalize on these years out of the paid workforce - because aren't they supposed to better than the years in the grind doing something day in and day out that you don't enjoy?  Well, right now, they aren't - that's for sure!

I am scurrying to plan Naomi's birthday party.  Feeling under the weather and falling behind.

Why do I have time right now?  Fulton County Schools are delayed two hours today.  So, my life is delayed. Lol.

Happy 2010!

It reads like it should be a good year - 2010.  How often are the first two digits of the year, double that of the last two digits of the year?  Anyone?  Anyone?  No, seriously, anyone?  I don't know.  But it seems special. :-)

I am going to put it out to the Universe that THIS be MY year.  Why?  Because I am the masterpiece of my own life!

By the end of 2010, I will be saying:

• I am happy and grateful that I now weigh my perfect weight
• I am happy and grateful that I am an active member of the Georgia State Bar
• I  happy and grateful that I got to see the Black-Eyed Peas at the Phillips Arena, no matter that Jonathan said we couldn't afford it
• I am happy and grateful that meditation became a part of my daily life
• I am happy and grateful that I made my last thoughts before going to sleep good thoughts
• I am happy and grateful that my children and family are healthy
• I am happy and grateful that I am healthy
• I am happy and grateful that I got to celebrate Cara's 40th birthday with her
• I am happy and grateful that I got to see lots of friends whom I don't see enough of!

What else should I be saying?

"It's hard to be a Jew on Christmas"

The scene is set.  Our Jewish friends, living in the Bible belt, invite us over for a latkes and a fun game of dreidels.  While there, they play the South Park "It's hard to be a Jew on Christmas" video on YouTube for us Christian folk (Note: the husband is technically Christian, raising his children Jewish, getting ready to convert to Judaism).  It's funny, and it's great that they think it's funny and aren't all bitter and worked up about Christmas - or Xmas, as some Jewish folk like to call it.

I'm not a practicing Christian these days - to the outside world.  I like to say, "God and I, we're good."  That's really all anyone really needs to know if they are interested, I think.

So, when a childhood contemporary (aka FB friend) posted her status as "feels like the only Jew in LA not celebrating Christmas," I chimed in. (Bethelcripes, if you are reading this, you probably know of whom I type; don't direct her to my blog - please! :-p)  My in-laws are Jewish, but they have celebrated Christmas since Jonthan was a boy, so I understood what my FB friend meant.  I joked that she is in "Southern California Jewish" world now.  When people ask why my Jewish in-laws celebrate Christmas, I explain that they are "Southern California Jewish"; I don't mean any harm by it. It's a joke - because everyone thinks LA is fake and filled with poseurs and Kabbalah and Scientology.

But, my FB friend seemed to think that it didn't mean my in-laws were "southern california Jewish" - just bad jews. Ha. ha.  Hmmm . . .o.k., but she was saying everwhere she looks, in southern california (well, LA - but she's not even in LA currently - she's out in the boonies somewhere), Jews are celebrating Christmas.  I think the logic of my phraseology stands.  Then she joked if Jonathan was from Westlake Village . . "because that's where all the self-haters hang out :)" (We had already had the Westlake Village conversation when we connected on FB, so she probably remembered that is where Jonathan grew up)

Wow.  I was just amusingly sympathizing with her being a lonely Jew on Christmas.  She did admit she was half-joking about being the only Jew in LA not celebrating Christmas and that at least half the Jews, after eating Chinese food, would be lining up at the Arclight on Christmas Day to see "It's Complicated."

When my mother-in-law told me that she and my father-in-law were meeting up with her friend and my sister-in-law to see a movie on Christmas Day, and I asked her if she was going to the Arclight, it was a good chuckle (because she was!).  And when I gave her the abbreviated Jews celebrating Christmas story, she had her explanation as to why she celebrates Christmas.  Nothing wrong with it, in my opinion.  Although I may have to break it to her that, really, she's Christian. ;-)

The things that have stuck with me

This time of year always makes me a bit more thoughtful and introspective, taking time to sift through memories near and far.  Maybe it's addressing holiday cards - seeing whom I've kept in touch with through the years, remembering those people that have slipped away?  Maybe it's looking ahead, anticipating another year?  O.k., so nothing terribly original or perceptive, I know. :-)

As I tuck away my Buddha statues in favor of traditional Christmas decor, I'm reminded of my high school AP Biology teacher, Ms. Herrera.  She was Catholic, and she had a lovely way of reconciling science and faith.  Who, but God, would make such a wonderful, amazing world?  To paraphrase - who would create atoms and molecules, evolution, but God?

It seems like such a simple, obvious, logical idea to me, but at this chock full of religious celebrations time of year, I'm reminded of how narrow-minded people can be.  How stuck and mired in their static universes . . . how dull.

Lather, Rinse, Repeat

It's not just the recommended hair routine on every bottle of shampoo; it's life.  My life anyway. 

Lather - an agitated or overwrought state. 

Finally, after living here for four years, the four year anniversary that I forgot to commemorate here on this blog, I can not stop these people from getting me into a lather.  These people - the good people of Roswell, GA.  As usual, I care more about what it right than most people; most people choose what is expedient over what is right.  As usual, I struggle more over confronting people who drop the ball - regularly and ridiculously; most people avoid confrontation and grumble behind people's backs.  I must not get sucked into this - specifically the local elementary school PTA. 

Sigh . . . I've seen the microcosm of an HOA Board.  That is enough.

Rinse - to cleanse by clear water.

I take a deep breath and remind myself to be an interested bystander; to keep my opinions to myself and just glide through life.

What's a girl to do, for example, when a neighbor sends an email that another neighbor followed her home and yelled at her, after the first neighbor honked at the second neighbor for blocking the road while delivering flyers for a neighborhood event? :-)

Repeat.

Tomorrow I have to send out a neighborhood e-blast that mail is being stolen out of mailboxes in the neighborhood and one neighbor has had their bank account emptied.  Well, that is at least lather-worthy, right?

What I should be doing while I'm writing this post

I should be:

Finishing pages 657 to 751 of A Suitable Boy by Vikram Seth, for my small bookclub next Tuesday

Editing the annual Homeowners' Association presentation for our November meeting

Finding a company to sidewall in our clubhouse patio for Breakfast with Santa (but not to the tune of $750!)

Typing up the notes from the Crabapple Montessori book fair debriefing meeting for the file

Unloading the dishwasher

Putting away the folded laundry

Cleaning the upstairs

Getting ready to attend our first Divali party

Working on our Daisy Troop web site

Exercising

Organizing the office

Opening the box from Costume Express to examine its contents

Finding a peasant blouse and a long skirt to concoct a gypsy costume for Naomi, since the gypsy costume she wanted is sold out everywhere for the season! :-(

Writing in my Linder/Barbara journal (and actually sending the one I haven't written in off to Linder!)

Wrapping a birthday present for Naomi to take to her friend, Maddie's, birthday party tomorrow

Uploading pictures off my camera

Updating the girls' blogs

Working on the girls' scrapbooks, which are now, years behind

I should be . . . .

My personal holiday season

Today, as I was at the gym, I decided that Labor Day weekend will from this day forth be the official beginning of my holiday season.  It will probably take another massive gym effort - a la the 100-day project (chronicled almost exclusively on FB) - to lower my weight enough between now and Thanksgiving so that the holiday eating doesn't bump me up out of my clothes!  Because last year, with no excercise between the second week of November and the second week of January, my body betrayed me and put on 8lbs!  What the heck?  It's not like I'm a glutton (am, I?)  How is that possible.  Anyway, it was very discouraging and I vow that it will not happen again!

Plus, I actually bought the girls' first Christmas presents a couple of weeks ago, so clearly the holiday spirit is already upon me!

100 Days

Way back on January 9, 2009, I started a project, an exercise project.  It had an initial project name, which in my complete exhaustion I am temporarily blanking on, and it has eventually become the "unsustainable exercise project." :^)  I don't have a proper tape measure, so I did not take any pre-exercise measurements.  Shame on me because measurements are supposedly more important than the numbers on the scale (ha!) ;^)  But I probably dropped a size and half; I say "and a half" because it was an uncomfortable squeeze into the one size, and now I can comfortably (most days) fit into the next size down.

The scale reports an 11lb weight loss overall.  Although that is without any dieting whatsoever, we ARE talking about only 11lbs in SIX months AND, really, if I am recalling correctly, the 11lbs came off within the first two to two-and-a-half months (I'd have to scrool back through the exercise diary, which is on FaceBook).  So, all the nexercise for the past 3+ months has just been maintaining the weight at which I do not want to stay.  And, even more discouraging is this - I only weigh 3lbs less than I did last September, before the big 35th birthday Vegas trip.  I stopped exercising for 2 months, just two, from the beginning of November to the beginning of January and I put ON 8lbs!!!  I'm sorry.  I know it was the holidays, but that is ABSURD!  I also think it proves that nay muscle I add to my frame just adds weight on the scale and does not actually help ME burn any more calories.

What to do with this situation?  What to do . . .Clearly, I am a person caught up in what is known as a "hormonal hurricane" (note: larger than a "storm").  I need to see an endocrinologist.  I am going to take the approach that my hormones are out of whack.  Because anyone who has exercised as much as I have should be losing more weight that I have.

What could my hormonal glitch be? (as posited by the "Master Your Metabolism" article in For Women First magazine, August 3, 2009 issue)

Low thyroid?  Culprits: Extreme dieting - No; Stress - Check!; perimenopause/menopause - No; Pesticides - Maybe?

Nutritional Rx for low thyroid: Selenium - walnuts, Brazil nuts. I can do that.

Low progesterone? Culprits: Stress - Check, check!, birth control pills - no; smoking/secondhand smoke - no; pesticides - maybe; toxins from plastic - possibly

Nutritional Rx for low progesterone: Indole-3-carbinol - broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage.  Not likely . . .

Low testosterone? Culprits: The acne Rx Accutane - No, chronically elevated blood sugar - I don't think so; lack of weight-bearing exercise - No (and this is curious; might have to investigate what exactly this means)

Not looking for a nutritional Rx here because I DO weight bearing exercise.

Elevated coritsol? Culprits: Chronic stress - yes!, unresolved anger - yes!, skipping meals - yes!, excess sugar or caffeine - caffeine, definitely - supposedly promotes weight loss, doesn't it?

Nutriotional Rx: Vitamin C - cantaloupe, citrus, strawberries, watermelon. I can do that.

Elevated insulin? Culprits: Overconsumption of artificial sweeteners?  No, I don't think so, pesticides - maybe, stress - check!, toxins from plastic - possibly, past battles with infections - No

Nutritional Rx: Magnesium - swiss chard, spinach, black beans, walnuts, quinoa.  Yes to walnuts, no to spinach.  Who are we kidding to quinoa.  And swiss chard?  Sounds familiar, don';t really know what it is? lettuce?

Elevated leptin? Culprits: Perimenopause/menopause - no, stress - uh, hello!, food additives - yes, past battles with infections - no, smoking/secondhand smoke - no

Nutritional Rx: Omega-3 fats - salmon - no, tuna - not really, sardines - hell no!, fish oil - not likely, flaxseed - not likely, flaxseed oil - not likely

So, what have I learned from this long ass, self-centered, probably interesting to only me with no one else even reading to the end post?

I will try to eat a handful of walnuts/Brazil nuts every day for the thyroid.

If I have low progesterone, I will have to seek out non-food solutions.

It appears highly unlikely that I have low testosterone.

I will try to eat some watermelon and/or strawberries every day for elevated cortisol.

The walnuts cover the elevated insulin, which I do not think I have.  This would require further research.

If I have an elevated leptin problem, well, I might just have to cope.

I think the plan will be to do a week of eating walnuts/Brazil nuts, strawberries/watermelon and see if I feel any better! :^)