Searching for Mary Poppins

That is the title of a collection of essays that I recently finished reading.  It's subtitle is: Women Write About the Intense Relationships Between Mothers and Nannies.  The essays were written by women who have made their living and a livelihood out of writing - not surprising.  I enjoyed the essays and, of course, as a mom, the topic is of interest to me.

Mary Poppins truly is a western standard of "the nanny," something that many working moms obviously dream of finding.  Mary Poppins' name turned up in more than a few of the essays.

The collection of essays made me think of my childcare providers and how true it is, that there is an intense relationship.  I definitely fall into the category of women who befriend their "nannies" and try to make their lives better, because a happier person means better care for my child, right?  This type of relationship has its benefits, but it can also be a set-up for problems down the road, as many women wrote that they learned.  For me personally, I just found myself getting overloaded by trying to help.  And when I get overloaded, I get bitter, even if it is of my own doing.  I set expectations through my behavior for both women, I'm sure.  And when I no longer wanted to meet the expectations I had set, I would get stressed out and unhappy.

Essentially, these women are working for you.  So, when they come to your house and want to chat like friends at the beginning of the work day, you are losing time, time that you are paying for.  A little of this type of interaction is nice.  It's nice to get to know the person who is caring for your child.  Sometimes, you get information that you wish you hadn't, because it colors your view of the person.  The person who you really want to be a Mary Poppins.

Some of the women in Searching for Mary Poppins wrote about the challenge of working from home and the tardiness of their nannies.  They were working from home, so punctuality didn't seem as urgent.  But work is work, and if you're not getting it done, it's stressful. For most of the time that I had my Amys :^), I wasn't working.  I did a bit of volunteering, which is why I hired the first Amy out in California, and so I was expected somewhere at a certain time for the first several months.  Then, I used the time for errands, appointments, sanity.  It was still my time, and it was valuable.  But I never wanted to seem rude and just race right out of the house when they arrived.

I told myself during the time that we had our childcare providers - one in California and one here in Georgia - that the most important thing was whether Naomi liked her (All of this was before Vivian was born).  And Naomi loved both of these women.  So, I wanted to make sure that they really enjoyed working for us, and I wanted them to know that they were appreciated. So, we paid vacation time and bonuses and gave gifts. And we did it gladly.

What would I do differently, if I am ever again searching for a "nanny"?  Would I pay an exorbitant fee to an agency?  Would I have a written contract?

I think that people who are willing to be childcare providers, in general, aren't looking at it as a career.  But it's a very unique situation.  It's a job, but you love the child.  The parent is your employer, but you share this bond - the child.  Some want to be paid under the table, some want to be on payroll.  Some have kids they want to bring with them.

I just don't know.  I would like to find someone to watch Vivian for me, so that Jonathan doesn't have to keep covering lunchtime hair appointments for me.  And so I would have a little more time for me - which isn't selfish or frivolous.  It is necessary, in my opinion, to balance out just how much of myself I am giving to two children - and to be able to do it gladly and with love in my heart.

This is where my friend Mother-in-Chief would say that this is why we need to live near grandparents - people who love your child already and will watch him or her for free.  And I agree.  This is one of the areas where postmodern living - or whatever it is we are in now - creates a huge gaping hole of inconvenience.  Oh why, oh why, can't the grandparents have Georgia on their minds as lovely retirement living? ;^)